The Journey of Liberation
I think back to Lake Wood and that unusually late summer’s heat. My friend and I walk down the path and down over the bank to the lake, eager for relief. Yet regardless of how much I wanted to swim in that spring feed lake, I found myself tip toeing around waters edge, barely wetting my feet,stepping slowly, cautiously, timid to move forward.
The sun has begun its descent, falling behind the tree line. I want to jump of the cliffs today, I have to jump before the warmth disappears.
I stand on the edge and look over into the deep water. My red hair illuminated by the sun, I raise my arms to embrace my choice and push off into the air. A short free fall into the unknown, I rise and take a deep breath. I treed water while I wait for my friend to jump, but that’s just the thing, some of us do and some of us don’t.
This caused me to think of the Tarot and of “The Fool,” card 0 in the Major Arcana. It pictures a man on a journey, at the top of a cliff, with a walking stick, a satchel, carefree with one foot in front of the other, just about to walk off the edge. This card represents the pure, the eternal optimist, he who takes each adventure as it comes, he who looks before he leaps, he who impulsively sets off into the unknown. This card suggests new beginnings.
I climb back up to jump another round. I stand still once more with my arms raised to embrace my choice and push off. It is truly a liberating experience to do something without delay, to move forward in an active and assertive way.
*** *** ***
The engine cuts and the plane slows, feet together, I think to myself, Matt rocks forth, one, two, and Go! Free falling for forty seconds at ten-thousand feet above the land of Mother Earth, traveling through her bright blue sky at over one hundred miles per hour. Until the parachute deploys, we are quickly jolted backward and upward.
Held together by rope, nylon and some trust we float along descending. I pull my affirmations from my sleeve and read each one by one.
“In loving memory of C. Nadeau.” I jumped in his honor. (My friend who is no longer with us, he used to jump in Pittsfield.)
“I am free.”
“I face my fears.”
“I am a risk taker.”
“My life is my own.”
“I am good and good things will come to me.”
“Let go of the past and live in the moment.”
Then I release them one by one into the aerospace and into the cosmos as we glide along. We fly in by the seat of our pants and return to Mother Earth. I shed some nervousness up there in the big blue, my first taste of liberation. I was ready, and set to go.
The universe heard me.
“I am free.”
*** *** ***
Dressed in my finest Friday night attire I stand upon the veranda, the tunes thump from the speakers, the chatter boxes continue. In shock, pissed, and clouded in the stench of cologne and body odor, alcohol and cigarette smoke, still I found clarity.
I look down at the drink in hand, take a deep haul and remove its straw. I hesitate as my heart palpitates at what I was preparing myself to do in the next moment. He is spotted seated at the doorway and he mackin’ on his next victim.
I walk right up, announced only by my heels. I interrupt his conversation by pouring coffee brandy, milk, ice and all into his lap. I bark aggressively, demanding respect and confirming he will never grope me again.
He was stunned. He just looked at me all wide eyed, his jaw hanging, and his crotch soaked, as if he didn’t know what he had done wrong. It only takes one redheaded vixen to teach a little boy a man’s lesson.
I step swiftly out the door, round back down the stairs and seek refuge at Brit’s bar. I come in invigorated, and petrified, and exhilarated. Brit pours me another drink, for the one I’d just sacrificed for my self-respect.
“I face my fears.”
*** **** ***
My left hand firmly grasps the ivory grips of “Dirty Susan” Keith’s .38 special double-action revolver. I load her up with bullets, slip my finger over the trigger, and cock the hammer back. I stare down the sights till I find the bulls-eye. Ready, I breathe in, hold my breath, aim and fire. I cock the hammer and fire again. I repeat this action with deep breaths and tight grips till the five round revolver empties. For good measure, I fire one more shot.
The pistol warm in my hand, smokes a little as I release the cylinder and expel the shells. I go down the line taking turns with my group and trying each gun of collection before us. There’s nothing like the power of a pistol in the grip of your female hand.
“I am a risk taker.”
*** *** ***
Being that I am a woman, it is often assumed I will marry and have children. The subject comes up frequently working in the public, they are a nosey bunch; older ladies especially. I explain that I don’t want such things for my life.
Their usual responses assure me that I’ll change my mind later on.
Oh yea? You think I’ll just decided that I want to stuff a pricey dress into the back of my closet, answer to Mr.’s wife and watch my female figure widen, sag and stretch with marks?
Some of us know what we don’t want, as much as others know what they want. There is no shame in an independent woman, husbandless and without child.
“My life is my own.”
*** *** ***
I dreamt of my Grandmothers house, in the guest room I noticed a bookshelf, something about it made me curious, I crouched down to scan the titles and I saw one of my books there on that shelf. The title printed on the spine “Heart Throbs.” A book that my grandmother had given to me…well actually, I think that she leant it to me.
When I moved there are a lot of things that were left behind at the folks. My mother put them in boxes “up overhead” as we call it.
When I awoke, instantly I knew it must be there.
I took a trip up to the folks in search for that hundred and five year old book; and sure enough I found in packed away in a box up overhead.Even if my Grandmother leant me this book initially, the weeks following her death, she came to me in a dream and gave me this; the old gray binding, the four-hundred and sixty nine yellow pages of wholesome good cheer, humor, comfort, hope- for I needed it to make those dark days endurable and sunny days enduring, I needed those heart throbs that make us feel better.
“I am good and good things will come to me.”
*** *** ***
The room is dark as I stand at the end of the bed looking to the place I took sanctuary. I look to his pillow on his side of my bed, where he should be and where he is not, nothing is where it should be.
The bed must be striped and the sheets washed.
I stood there sopping tears from my face, the heavy kind, that roll uncontrollably from the eyes, the kind that require no blinking, the kind make your heart ache. I look to the past through those lilac sheets stained in our sleepiness and our lustfulness of seasons spent lying there. The comforter twisted and wrapped with the sheets, all of this bedrock smothered in his scent and in mine.
I climb onto the bed and bunch the blankets into a pile. I hug this bundle of fabric, bury my face into it, lay on to it and breathe in. How do I wash these lilac sheets? How do I rinse his scent from my king sized bedstead?
When the moment was right, the bed was striped and the sheets washed. Things are more or less where they should be now.
"I let go of the past and lived in the moment."
*** *** ***
I think back to that bright blue sky that beckoned that day, those affirmations: words on paper, a few things that I wanted to embrace in my life, and a few things that I wanted to let go of.The universe heard me.
It all began on the edge of Lake Wood, peering in over the water, my red hair illuminated by the sun, I raise my arms to embrace my choice and push off into the unknown.I rise and take a deep breath.
Some of us step swiftly into action, while some of us tip toe around it. I step swiftly on this path of new beginnings, on this journey of liberation, one foot in front of the other, looking and leaping, pure and optimistic, without delay, moving forward in an active and assertive way.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Lucky Bamboo
Feng Shui is the ancient Chinese art of directing energy. The word itself literally translates into "wind" and "water." Known to the Chinese as the two life forces that flow freely over the earth, creating the central energy known as "chi.” The bringing of natural elements to the home and directing the chi throughout the home brings its occupants harmony and balance. Feng Shui applies to houseplants, this I did not know.
I have an ivy plant, a spider plant and a baby spider plant. I have had the mother plant for about five years, very resilient. I have had a few house plants throughout the years but only these three have I managed not to kill.
The first ivy I had, I kept it out of the steps one summer, until one day my neighbors dog came running up them with her tail anxiously wagging, and knocked the poor plant down the whole flight of stairs, tumbling over, the soil down each step, till it landed at the bottom, half in the pot, half out. That was traumatic for the fragile ivy, after re-potting it died shortly there after, (clearing not my doing.)
Though the latest casualty, took a period of time. A three year old Lucky Bamboo, four stalks in all, beautiful to look at, pleasing and vibrant, then one day leaves turned yellow, followed by the stalk until it just keeled over and died. According to Feng Shui, to kill Lucky Bamboo is very unlucky.
So I thought that maybe I should do a little research to help my cause, and see how to keep houseplants alive, seems how I already know so much about killing them.
The first thing I learned was that they need to be watered. Go figure, I mean obviously this is something that I knew, but my house is so dry, especially come winter, I have failed to recognize the need to increase the frequency of watering and forgot to mist them. They suggest filtered water, or collected rainwater for bamboo rather than the tap because of the chlorine and minerals can cause the discoloration in the leaves. That was my first mistake.
Secondly, I learned about lighting; some need direct light, where others need indirect.Placement is important not only for livelihood, but also for energy flow.
Thirdly, I learned that plants also need fertilizers to be administered from time to time for nourishment to encourage growth. Bamboo have there own special liquid solution you drop into the water. I guess that was my second mistake. Where is that bottle anyway?
There are lots of variables to consider in the care of houseplants. Sometimes when the leaves turn brown it is caused by too much water not too little. Or Leaf drop, so they call it, when the leaves just fall off, this can be caused by lack of water or exposure to a draft. That would explain what happened to the avocado tree I sprouted from the pit, I kept it near the door, all its leaves fell off, then it just shivered and died.
Now considering all cause and effects to houseplant survival, I now am better prepared to monitor moisture, lighting levels, drafts, and the placement of my three surviving houseplants.I can better align and redirect my chi to find the harmony and the balance within my home.
The mother spider plant sits in the kitchen, its leaves yellowing, the babies wilting, just dangling there as I stand at the sink downing a class of water. Now that I know they are watching, I'll try to quench their thirst, when I quench my own. Thank goodness the mother spider plant is so patient with me.
As for the Lucky Bamboo, apparently it isn’t even bamboo at all. Its botanical name is Dracaena, a resilient member of the lily family that grows in the dark in tropical rainforests of Southeast Asia and Africa. Moreover, according to the last of my research; the number of stalks also have meaning: three stalks for happiness; five stalks for wealth; six stalks for health. Four stalks, however, are always avoided since the word "four" in Chinese sounds too similar to the Chinese word for "death!" I guess my Lucky Bamboo, wasn’t so lucky to begin with.
If you'll excuse me now I need to go water my plants.
I have an ivy plant, a spider plant and a baby spider plant. I have had the mother plant for about five years, very resilient. I have had a few house plants throughout the years but only these three have I managed not to kill.
The first ivy I had, I kept it out of the steps one summer, until one day my neighbors dog came running up them with her tail anxiously wagging, and knocked the poor plant down the whole flight of stairs, tumbling over, the soil down each step, till it landed at the bottom, half in the pot, half out. That was traumatic for the fragile ivy, after re-potting it died shortly there after, (clearing not my doing.)
Though the latest casualty, took a period of time. A three year old Lucky Bamboo, four stalks in all, beautiful to look at, pleasing and vibrant, then one day leaves turned yellow, followed by the stalk until it just keeled over and died. According to Feng Shui, to kill Lucky Bamboo is very unlucky.
So I thought that maybe I should do a little research to help my cause, and see how to keep houseplants alive, seems how I already know so much about killing them.
The first thing I learned was that they need to be watered. Go figure, I mean obviously this is something that I knew, but my house is so dry, especially come winter, I have failed to recognize the need to increase the frequency of watering and forgot to mist them. They suggest filtered water, or collected rainwater for bamboo rather than the tap because of the chlorine and minerals can cause the discoloration in the leaves. That was my first mistake.
Secondly, I learned about lighting; some need direct light, where others need indirect.Placement is important not only for livelihood, but also for energy flow.
Thirdly, I learned that plants also need fertilizers to be administered from time to time for nourishment to encourage growth. Bamboo have there own special liquid solution you drop into the water. I guess that was my second mistake. Where is that bottle anyway?
There are lots of variables to consider in the care of houseplants. Sometimes when the leaves turn brown it is caused by too much water not too little. Or Leaf drop, so they call it, when the leaves just fall off, this can be caused by lack of water or exposure to a draft. That would explain what happened to the avocado tree I sprouted from the pit, I kept it near the door, all its leaves fell off, then it just shivered and died.
Now considering all cause and effects to houseplant survival, I now am better prepared to monitor moisture, lighting levels, drafts, and the placement of my three surviving houseplants.I can better align and redirect my chi to find the harmony and the balance within my home.
The mother spider plant sits in the kitchen, its leaves yellowing, the babies wilting, just dangling there as I stand at the sink downing a class of water. Now that I know they are watching, I'll try to quench their thirst, when I quench my own. Thank goodness the mother spider plant is so patient with me.
As for the Lucky Bamboo, apparently it isn’t even bamboo at all. Its botanical name is Dracaena, a resilient member of the lily family that grows in the dark in tropical rainforests of Southeast Asia and Africa. Moreover, according to the last of my research; the number of stalks also have meaning: three stalks for happiness; five stalks for wealth; six stalks for health. Four stalks, however, are always avoided since the word "four" in Chinese sounds too similar to the Chinese word for "death!" I guess my Lucky Bamboo, wasn’t so lucky to begin with.
If you'll excuse me now I need to go water my plants.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
Ask the Universe
A review of the “Tarot Bible"
I keep my deck of Tarot wrapped in white silk and protected with clear quartz. By candle light I sit shuffling the worn edges of moments past, present and future; asking questions to the universe and flipping over their answers in symbolic imagery. Studying the figures, the objects, trying to understand, connect and interpret my findings.
Some of us on this plane of existence seek more than just the superficial. We are the kind who can’t take things at face value, appearances are deceiving and we know this all to well. We are provoked to seek what is deeper beneath the surface and see what truths we can reveal.Some of us put our faith in the powers of divination and in prayer; some count rosary beads, some kneel face down, and some lay spreads.
To ask and look upon the mirrors of the universe, through the study of Tarot and practice reading of prophecies, one can seek out the image of truth. From a selection of seventy eight cards, the answers will show themselves, but that is also dependent upon the reference book used to decipher.
I would flip through the small pocket size booklet that came with my deck, a few sentences about each card and it offered a ten card spread, called The Celtic Cross. I had one other book but it didn’t speak to me in the way that Sarah Bartlett’s four hundred paged "Tarot Bible" spoke. Chalk full with knowledge, a full spectrum of information that captures an audience of beginners and experienced tarot readers.
Some believe Tarot reading to be impure and for the dark arts of the occultists, fortune tellers and gypsy folk. So she begins this introduction with the roots of Tarot and how the universal language has been understood through out the decades of time. She defines their usage through history and their coming of age story by introducing different creators and artists involved in their evolution. She addresses the rituals involved with reading,care and storage of the Tarot deck.
The first half of the book explores the descriptions of all seven-eight cards of mystic symbolism, using the Universal Rider-Waite deck;she pictures each card in full color with key words and key phrases. Each card allotted two pages, the other page a deeper interpretation of the card as well as its placement within the spread this section generous to the beginner.
She further divides the deck addressing the two categories of the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. Major, the first twenty two cards of the deck, followed by the fifty six Minor suit and court cards, all of this Sarah Bartlett describes in full detail.
What makes this book different from others I have referenced, is that is doesn’t stop there. It continues on to the second half dedicated to layouts, thirty in all. Simple to complex spreads, sectioned off by everyday, relationship, revelation and destiny spreads, some include up to fourteen cards.
She ends the book with crystal correlation, astrological pairing and numerological aspects of tarot magick and connecting with the deck. This book is a powerhouse for the study of Tarot unlike any other that I have utilized.
My suggestion would include a spiral binding to the book, so it will stay open while you lay the spreads and read the cards. I also would suggest the usage of bookmarks within the binding, like Christian bibles. It would be helpful to mark pages during a reading while you flip between the description of the spread and the cards.
As I have said some of us on this plane of existence seek more than the superficial, appearances are deceiving and we know this, so when provoked to seek the image of truth. I ask you to put some faith in divining power of the Tarot along sides its fruitful companion the “Tarot Bible” and you too could sit by candle light shuffling the worn edges of moments past, present and future, and flipping over their answers of symbolic imagery. All you have to do is ask the universe.
I keep my deck of Tarot wrapped in white silk and protected with clear quartz. By candle light I sit shuffling the worn edges of moments past, present and future; asking questions to the universe and flipping over their answers in symbolic imagery. Studying the figures, the objects, trying to understand, connect and interpret my findings.
Some of us on this plane of existence seek more than just the superficial. We are the kind who can’t take things at face value, appearances are deceiving and we know this all to well. We are provoked to seek what is deeper beneath the surface and see what truths we can reveal.Some of us put our faith in the powers of divination and in prayer; some count rosary beads, some kneel face down, and some lay spreads.
To ask and look upon the mirrors of the universe, through the study of Tarot and practice reading of prophecies, one can seek out the image of truth. From a selection of seventy eight cards, the answers will show themselves, but that is also dependent upon the reference book used to decipher.
I would flip through the small pocket size booklet that came with my deck, a few sentences about each card and it offered a ten card spread, called The Celtic Cross. I had one other book but it didn’t speak to me in the way that Sarah Bartlett’s four hundred paged "Tarot Bible" spoke. Chalk full with knowledge, a full spectrum of information that captures an audience of beginners and experienced tarot readers.
Some believe Tarot reading to be impure and for the dark arts of the occultists, fortune tellers and gypsy folk. So she begins this introduction with the roots of Tarot and how the universal language has been understood through out the decades of time. She defines their usage through history and their coming of age story by introducing different creators and artists involved in their evolution. She addresses the rituals involved with reading,care and storage of the Tarot deck.
The first half of the book explores the descriptions of all seven-eight cards of mystic symbolism, using the Universal Rider-Waite deck;she pictures each card in full color with key words and key phrases. Each card allotted two pages, the other page a deeper interpretation of the card as well as its placement within the spread this section generous to the beginner.
She further divides the deck addressing the two categories of the Major Arcana and the Minor Arcana. Major, the first twenty two cards of the deck, followed by the fifty six Minor suit and court cards, all of this Sarah Bartlett describes in full detail.
What makes this book different from others I have referenced, is that is doesn’t stop there. It continues on to the second half dedicated to layouts, thirty in all. Simple to complex spreads, sectioned off by everyday, relationship, revelation and destiny spreads, some include up to fourteen cards.
She ends the book with crystal correlation, astrological pairing and numerological aspects of tarot magick and connecting with the deck. This book is a powerhouse for the study of Tarot unlike any other that I have utilized.
My suggestion would include a spiral binding to the book, so it will stay open while you lay the spreads and read the cards. I also would suggest the usage of bookmarks within the binding, like Christian bibles. It would be helpful to mark pages during a reading while you flip between the description of the spread and the cards.
As I have said some of us on this plane of existence seek more than the superficial, appearances are deceiving and we know this, so when provoked to seek the image of truth. I ask you to put some faith in divining power of the Tarot along sides its fruitful companion the “Tarot Bible” and you too could sit by candle light shuffling the worn edges of moments past, present and future, and flipping over their answers of symbolic imagery. All you have to do is ask the universe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)